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Posts Tagged ‘survival’

My grandson has this softy fuzzy pink pig. It has been his constant companion since his sister got it for Christmas when he was barely two years old. You could watch his eyes as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and pressed that pig to his cheek and you could tell what he was thinking. When you are that little, the world is big and scary and full of incomprehensible things, things that want to reach out and suck you into their chaos of sound and actions, far too soon, way before you have figured them out and way before you have mentally prepared yourself to interact with them. Parents go to work. Sisters go to school. Kids and teachers come and go. Pig was a constant and an anchor, a place to hold on to when nothing else made sense.

Poor Pig. Matted and grubby looking, no matter how many times it got washed. Sometimes forgotten resulting in emotional cloudburst. Loved as only small boys can love. More and more, pig has begun to go the way of the Velveteen Rabbit. The thread that ties the pair together is getting longer and thinner. His sister, wiser in the ways of the world and far more experienced in the ways of love, has taught him to spread his affections around. Pig is no longer the only stuffed toy in the bed at night. He is a boy, though. They tend to be far less cavalier and more sentimental in the realms of the heart. Pig will always be his First Love.

One of the reasons the ties have grown thin is that Pig became a hostage in a battle of wills between parents and child. It is hard to learn the difference between what feels good and what is good for you. “No Pig” became the standard punishment.

Recently, in a very tempestuous battle of wills, Pig went away and was not returned. Mom had drawn a line in the sand. Change or No Pig forever.

He had no choice. Because he loved Pig, he acquiesced. It was like watching a horse being tamed. A wild colt one day, an obedient and civilized member of a team the next. I cried.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. I am glad to have the wild thing tamed but I am sad to see it go and I will miss its wild energies stomping and roaring through the house (but only when I am bored) and I hope he never forgets what it was to be such an elemental creature. Someday he will need to draw on that power, not as a wild thing being wild, but as an evolved creature accessing his Primal Core.

This story describes, in a very succinct nutshell, the nature of the main lesson every being must learn when one walks through the veil into Earth School.

Everyone loves. It is in our nature. We are hardwired to connect, intellectually, emotionally, viscerally and physically, with the world around us. We call this love. Love takes many forms but it is the one commonality between all beings. One could even argue that civilization rose up out of our need to protect the things we love from the planet’s seemingly inherent need to take that loved object away. As a tool for behavior modification, destroying the loved thing is most effective, since pain teaches with indelible efficiency. The loss of a true love is more painful and debilitating than the loss of a limb.

This is the adversarial illusion the planet casts over the wild and untamed. Change or die, the planet insists.

We resist it with every ounce of our being. It feels like dying.  It is not in our nature and it goes against all our survival instincts to submit.

As human technology evolves and we strive to buffer ourselves from the trauma of the loss of love , change has become horrifically traumatic. Change can be anything that transforms our perceptions. It is the act of walking outside of our mundane selves and climbing the metaphorical hill to see what lies beyond the horizon. This becomes adversarial when we refuse let go of the comfort of the moment even when the moment becomes toxic.

The response to the the adversarial illusion can take two extremes. There is the Keyser Soze response. Not only do you not change, you kill everything you love to make sure no hostages can ever be taken and then put up walls to ensure that your heart will be forever safe. But can anyone truly be that disconnected and separated from their true nature? Even the story of Keyser Soze turns out to be a fairy tale told to frighten the less evolved members of society.

If Keyser Soze lies on one side of the circle in the Paradox Engine of Love what lies on the opposite side as its mirror image and its equal? What is the opposite of separation and disconnection? How does one ameliorate the grief of loss? By connecting to everything without boundaries or exceptions. When you stand over a massive cauldron full of all life and death, grief over the loss of one thing is put into perspective. You still love as much as your heart is able, but your grief is diluted on a grand scale. Acceptance of loss, embracing change, learning sentience becomes far less painful. Yin to Soze’s yang.

Listen: The planet, the Oneverse, all of creation, the big G, name it what you will, She does not want to be the Bad Mom. You force the role upon her. She does what she does not out of hate or vengeance or needing to control. (You are not being punished. Everyone who is here, is here by choice. You were never tossed out of heaven. You were never disconnected or cut off. It is physically impossible to be separated from the wholeness of the Oneverse. There is no sin that keeps you from Her side nor do you have to ask forgiveness. It is you who closed the door, not Her. It is you who must forgive her, for taking your archetypal Pig, so that you can risk loving again.) She does what she does out of Love. With a big “L”. It is not random or serendipitous fortune, this game you think she is playing with you. She is playing for keeps with powerful and directed intent and she holds all the cards. She does not even care if you love her in the end. She just wants you to grow up and survive and thrive. She is your worst nightmare. A ruthless mom.

Just remember:  Change or the Pig gets it!

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Embrace the Chaos.  As advice goes, it seems to be counter intuitive. Perhaps we need to explore the ineffable paradox that lies at its core.

On the one hand, this connotes the seemingly foolhardy act of leaping off a cliff into what appears to be an elemental cataract that will surely rip you limb from limb. Embrace your own death, it seems to imply. Do you need to be suicidal or insanely brave to follow this advice? Every gut instinct, every genetically hardwired response, every lesson learned upon the plains of the human landscape where you were pooped out of your mother’s womb ready to run from the lions that had the smell of your birth up their noses tells you that you have to fight, you have to be clever,  you have to be proactive about your own survival. Letting go of all that seems not only silly but down right stupid.

But…

On the other hand, every time you let go (OK, let’s be honest. We don’t willing let go. It usually takes someone standing on the edge of the cliff, beating on our fingers with a blunt object to work our claws out of the lip of the Void), every time we fall into the chaos and learn to cope with the apparently dissonant energies that reach out to rip the fabric of reality from our grasps, every time we fall and survive, every time we walk out of the cataract that tried to eat us,  cheating death and somehow managing to imposing our own order onto our new realities instead of the other way around, when we pause to look back we discover that what we thought as Chaos was really a very well ordered pattern, a pattern that we only can perceive in retrospect and those who played it safe in order to survive, did not survive after all and it was only those who risked everything who won the game.

So, no, embracing the chaos is not an invitation to suicide. It is not for people with a death wish. It is the act of total trust based on the unalterable belief that all that we know and all that we can only guess at and all that exists beyond the limits of even our wildest imaginings is a part of something infinite and well ordered and that that something is in the act of reinventing itself from moment to moment and that if you expect to survive, you have to keep up.  Sorta like dancing on quicksand. You will be fine as long as you don’t stop to rest. Is this not the true definition of life on Planet Earth?

Embrace the Chaos

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